One Year Later Without Swami Nana

This time last year I was in Florida for less than 24 hours. We bought donuts and threw them in the ocean for you, and that’s really all I’ve done since then. No pujas, no other offerings. Maybe I should but your life was so much about tradition that I don’t feel the need to start one for your death.

This anniversary has, however, made me pause and think about everything I have accomplished and failed in the past year. Even in death you are selfless and have helped people to look at and better understand themselves. Maybe half my grief is because I’ll never get to hear any more stories from you or hang out with you and that’s probably just selfish but I can’t help it.

 Yesterday I meant to do something in your honour like find some stroopwafel or pecan pie to eat but I ended up taking a nap. I guess I don’t feel that bad because half the things I do remind me of you anyway. Much of our relationship was about food, especially sweets, even though those weren’t really good for you. I eat them now in part for you (currently having some Karamel Sutra ice cream, don’t you love the punny cultural appropriation?). I’ve also been making a lot of chai recently and it always reminds me of how on your birthday last year I accidentally spilled it all over your lap. Honestly I was mortified but you were so cheerful about it even though you were exhausted from the night’s lecture.

It’s been a year and I still think about you almost every day. I wish I could say that your death has changed me in some way – like I’ve decided to be more giving or more loving but honestly I just miss you. You were a distant constant that I thought would just always be there to reply to my emails of jokes with equally silly jokes. I’m glad your bad sense of humour has been passed down.

All I have left to say is: orange you glad I didn’t include any puns?

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